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Seriously.
You can make all the jabs you want.
But how about step up and claim what you're saying.
Put your money where your mouth is so to speak.

No, I don't know who

Seriously. Who are you?
This has been bothering me for awhile! Lol

Anywho. Just read my other LJ account.
Wow. Alot of stuff has happened.
And in a way I think it's best that I lost my password for it.
Cause it is like a final chapter in the book.
This LJ is just the next in the series.
I've gone from battling with my mom to get into public school to graduating from it.
From experiencing love and heart breaks to moving on from that relationship into a more permanent one.
And this entire time I've kept the same circle of friends.
Sure over the years I've gained some and lost some. But I have those constant few that are always there for me. And I thank you guys for that.

=^_^=

He asked.

and I said yes.

Well. Yeah.

I'm still kinda dazed by this.

Yet I'm getting excited.

Jun. 10th, 2008

Woo.
My tattoo is messed up.
So that means in August I gots to go have it fixed.
I really don't want to go through the pain again.
But I got out of the shower yesterday morning and kicked it.
Since it was hamburg I took the top layer of skin (and ink) off the one leg of the star.
*Sigh*
Oh well. In August when everything is healed up I'll just go get it fixed.
By a professional.
Stupid ex -_-
Meh.
Mary wants me to wait to get it touched up because hers needs it too.
But I kinda want to take Brent with me.
So I can yell at him while my ankle bone gets jabbed with needles.
I can't wait for August though.
My Marine comes home. ^_^
And yes, he's MY Marine. Haha. I'm possessive of my best friends.

11:11
Make a wish!
Wow. It's been awhile since I've last posted in here.
A lot has happened in that time.
Justin graduated high school and we took a family vacation to Canada.
He started work at a car shop and I took on the responsibility of watching his little sister.
Then band camp started and following it, my senior year of high school.
My 18 birthday and a snow-less winter proceeded.
Should have been a sign.
Our two year anniversary soon arrived, as did the fights.
Eventually we both agreed to take a break.
He was having family issues and I was having personal doubts.
We tried to be friends during this all, but that never works.
I hurt everyone in this process.
And I apologize.
Especially to you Ted. I know that you hate me and all, but I really handled the situation badly.
Honestly, I ran because you wanted forever and I wanted now.
I still want now.
So, now here I am.
A recent graduate from high school.
Single.
Lost.
Confused.
And yet despite the fact that I shoved him away and declared that I cannot be hurt anymore, I miss my best friend.
But I have my Katie and Brent and everyone else.
They'll help me through this and eventually I will get over him.
So, yeah. Life has been extremely confusing.
Justin broke up with me and started dating her. Then on Christmas eve, he and I started going back out. On January 19, I broke up with him. For various reason, like.....I was too blind to see the truth and lost trust in everything. I spazzed out because I was looking into future plans and lost site of everything that is in todays life. So, yeah, I basically threw away an entire year of....wow....almost typed marriage....was going for love. But yeah, was trying to make plans for my future and realized that he and I have different paths that we want to choose from. So, I became the bad guy. I broke up with him.
I have now been going out with someone else for...2 weeks. Yeah, I don't want to admit things, but I think that I just want someone to be with. And since I can't have Justin, I'll take the next available guy. Which, is horrible for me to think I would do something like that....but I think I am.
I'm just really confused about things right now, I just don't know what to do. I kinda want to swear off guys, but yet, I don't.
When I'm with Brent, everything is okay. I don't think about anything else. Life is good. But, when I'm not with him.....I don't know. I over think things and it just utterly confuses me to were I don't know if I'm coming, leaving or what.
BUT! I do have Brian. He is one good thing in my life right now. Fortunately he can help me with anything....almost. Yeah, he's really good to go to for advice.
Gar.
I think I can officially call him a liar now.
Yeah, he broke up with me.
Stupid whore.
I love you, but I like her and I can't live a life of "What if's"...so I'm going to take a break from you, date her, then when I get it out of my system, I'll come crawling back to you.

Haha, Fuck you.

Maybe after I get my rebellion out of my system I'll think about setteling back down.

As for now, this "emo kid" is going to live life, have fun and enjoy her independence.....and have her heart break everytime she sees him.
105 Stupid Factoids
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
Nope

2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
10 Months

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
Clothing.

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Hahaha, yesh, that's how I broke my first one.

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
Ummm....awhile ago...

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Christmas pressies.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
Umm....I believe it was school lunch.

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Hair, eyes, voice.

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
Three Days Grace- Pain

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED
Jefferson - Morgan

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Verizon

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE
Wet Seal

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD?
Being a pain in the ass

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
Big orange ones the are plushy

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
I have....

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
Meredith's and Zacks

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
Smith

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Today at school

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT?
Sheetz

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
You ignored me for half an hour!
~OR!!!~
"I can't stand here and promise you anything because things change!" "Then why'd you give me a promise ring?" "Because you wanted it."

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
A kitchen....

24. CAN YOU COOK?
Yes.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
Well, when I ever get my liscense it'll be a Chevy Lumina.

26. BEST KISSER:
Unnamed

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
Last night.

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Can't think of it.

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My eyes

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
All my frickin insecurities and paranoias....and my inability to spell.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?:
Haven't worked

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?:
Nightmare before Christmas, Boondock Saints, Robin Hood: Men in Tights,

34. CAN YOU SING?:
No

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
Umm, a band show ages and ever ago

36. ?
Yeah, that's so true!

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
Too long ago

38. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
Cell

39. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT?
Where ever I won't think of him...

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Laptop

44. Favorite Comedian?
Eddie Izzard

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
No

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
A T-shirt

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
Lestat. No lie. My Teddy Bear is always on my bed.
And Now Jack......Lestat has been retired to a corner on my bed.....

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
No.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French toast

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
Hellz yeah

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Left at the store

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
It's interesting to read

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
My Fasha

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
Brandon

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
"Yah I love it" from Brandon

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
Like....3 actual pillows and an armful of throw pillows

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
Who asked you t-shirt and Old Navy jeans

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
If you could only read my mind

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
Grape or Honey

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
Yeah,....oh do you mean win?

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
I guess....

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Ben and Jerry's Dublin Mudslide

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
Hate them

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
I like penguins!!!!!

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
No

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON?
October through March

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
SOmetime today I'm sure

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING?:
15 till 7?

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
Snow at night

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
Never had one.

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
Midnight

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
Pirates rock

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
Hmm, good question. Friday? Saturday Girls day with Katie,Sunday?

78. BIRTHDATE?
11-21

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
18

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Yes

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
Nope

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW?:
In a way

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?:
Finland

91. Are you in High school?
Unfortunately

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
no

94. WHATS UR FAV. NAME?
Taylor Allen or Clay Taylor for a boy
Emily Paige for a girl

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
Umm, it's green....with leafs and such....yeah..

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
Yes it did.

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
Nope

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
No.

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?:
A sister in law...and a step sister

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?
...I'm above the basement....is that upstairs?

101. ARE YOU HAPPY?:
I could be happier

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Who hasn't?

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?:
Yes

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
4 blue gummies, 4 green gummies, 2 orange, 1 black and 1 purple gummie} on my right wrist. And one gold chain bracelet. Spinnie butterfly ring.}On my left wrist/hand

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Click Update.

Dec. 2nd, 2006

So hating stress. It makes my stomach kill me and gives me headaches that border migrains.
Not to mention the whole emotion roller coaster.

Why am I so fucking paranoid.
Why am I spazzing out over the little things?
Is it too much to ask for someone to be as excited about my 10 month anniversary as I am?
So, I'm still not living life to the fullest. What's new?
I turned 17 this last week. Oh the fun. Lover Boy and I have settled some of our differences. Really, I told him about my feelings and almost lost him. Communication sucks.
We're possibly going to a lazer show soon. The music will be the classic Floyd, Hendrix, and Doors. And if everything goes the way it's planned, she'll be with us. Yeah, still not happy about things in that department. I actually had someone tell me tonight that he was pushing the boundry with that.
I dont know. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of everything. Instead of getting support for wanting to go to Culinary school, I get "that's not college". So, screw you.

I was hoping to get to see my brother and sister-in-law this month before christmas, but I have school and won't be allowed to take off. How much does that suck?